FemiKnitMafia

‘Member the green high heel sandal identity crisis of aught-6? Well, I’m back there again, only with a little less identity crisis. Look Ma, I’m selling out growing up!

Tonight is the big gay fundraiser. Lots of gay. Lots of money. And I’m ready to woo the rich ladies and leave them heartbroken at the end of the night. [that was for Wifey's benefit. Hi Wifey! ]

In 3 inch heels, I’m gigantic, and thanks to blogtographer Danielle, I present evidence here for all to see. I’m sorry, but there will be no cleavage shots this year. My poor freckly Irish chest is fighting off a wee sunburn.

And a close up of the shirt. [tis Banana. let us never again discuss the ridiculous amount of money I spent on one effing shirt. nor shall we discuss the double-chin or my inability to crop photos from my work computer.]

And the shoes, which actually match the shirt. [Marshall's $20! Now that's more like it.]

As my thanks to Danielle for being my faithful blogtographer, I’m posting a request to anyone who graduated from a 4-year college in the U.S. to go help Danielle with a project. It’s a quick and painless survey that qualifies you for a knitting-related prize if you leave a comment here.

Another request, if I may … can you think good strong money thoughts tonight? Life, icky life and some really icky life interfered with the planning of the fundraiser this year, but I’m still hopeful that we’ll raise some money for the organization. Chant with me now? Money, money, money. Charity. charity. charity. Philanthropy. philanthropy. philanthropy. Thanks.

If we do well, I might have knitting to share tomorrow …

ETA: Further proof that Danielle rocks — she recreated last year’s good luck card and slid a plain manilla folder across my desk with this inside:

Oh yes, the joy of fundraising humor. We’re a funny breed.

A couple months ago, this appeared on our caller i.d.

and I laughed my ass off.

Ever since, I’ve been wondering who called. Well today, Big Brother called again. Yes, as you probably already guessed, it’s Big Brothers Big Sisters, doing the lovely community service of calling to see if I have any clothes to donate, because they’ll be in my area and can pick them up.

Community service, whatever.  They ruined my paranoid delusion that Big Brother had finally found me.

I feel like such a baby for lamenting my tasks during the surro-c-section recovery period, because that’s the least of my problems right now. It’s like the universe gave me a big ol’ smack in the head for being a whiner. And now I shall whine again. Skip directly to the photos if you’re interested in the knitting.

- Teaching two classes is killer. The online class, in particular, is killing me.
- Wifey has been in and out of the hospital 3 times with post-partum preeclempsia.
- MafiaMom just got out of major surgery, and I’m trying to find a way to visit/care for her.
- The perfect next job popped up and I applied. Now I’m in the process of interviewing (a.k.a. shopping for professional drag, de-politicizing my resume, and filing my nails).

I don’t have time to pay bills, clean the house, return phone calls, or snuggle with my Little Man. Literally, I work all day, grade papers on the train, read Little Man a couple stories before he goes to bed, and sit in front of the computer until I fall asleep (sometimes with it on my lap). Rinse and repeat. Weekends, you ask? That’s when I clean the house a little, spend time with Little Man, and then slog through hours of writing PowerPoints and answering emails and grading papers. Wifey suggested that perhaps I shouldn’t teach two classes again — “pshaw, as if! after all this work I’ve put into it? the next one should be a walk in the park.” This is clearly a sign of madness.

Jenny Hat is done, but might need a rip. If I don’t move at all, it fits well.

If I move, I become a dick head.

The Monkey socks are nearly done

and I love the Socks that Rock (color: Watermelon Tourmaline, gifted by the ever-incredible Frickmeister), but the socks are a little tight and the color is frickin’ awesome, but not entirely Mafia-esk, so I’m thinking about adding to Frick’s Pay It Forward sensibility and giving them away. No official word on that yet, but I’m thinking about it.

I’m seriously neglecting my Arwen; I’d love to cast on some green socks with two beautiful gifted-with-love skeins waiting in the stash; and I signed up to participate in a quilt block for charity project, which thankfully starts in May.

Damnit, I just want an entire day alone in a shiny clean house with nothing to do but listen to music and knit. Is that too much to ask?
April can’t arrive fast enough.
April.
April.
April.
April.

Thank you SO much for all the wonderful Surro-Wifey and Daddies love.

It was nothing short of magical to participate in this surrogacy. All the cranky-Wifey moments were completely erased as I watched the Dads bond with their new baby girl. Unbelievable. Truly incredible.

That said, the best story about the unique experience of a lesbian couple doing a surrogacy for two gay dads in Massachusetts (got all that?) is that I was required to sign an affadavit of non-paternity. Yes. Really. Because B-Dad is the bio-Dad, and despite the fact that they used an egg donor, Wifey is still considered the “mother” until non-bio S-Dad completes his co-parent adoption. Have I lost you yet? The birth certificate administrator at the hospital was twisted into a pretzel trying to force the computer to accept her data entry. Apparently a male husband is the presumed father of a baby born to his female wife while they’re married. Sure. Fair enough. But … if he’s not the baby daddy, he fills out an affidavit stating that yes, they’re married, and no, he’s not the father. Because Wifey is legally married in Massachusetts, the computer lists her as such. So when the birth certificiate lady tried to enter B-Dad and Wifey as “father” and “mother,” the computer spit it back, requiring that I, as Wifey’s spouse, sign off my paternity rights. Enter the Mafia, an Affadavit of Non-Paternity, a Bic pen, and loud peals of laughter. This was certainly the most ridiculous thing I have ever signed. Let it be known: I am not now, nor will I ever be H-Baby’s Daddy. Signed: The Mafia, with love.

With Wifey recovering from the c-section (read: no housework, driving, child care, or lifting anything over 10 pounds for two weeks, and no work for an additional 4 weeks) and with the Mafia teaching TWO classes at a local university (in addition to my full-time gig at MIT), it’s time for a big bloggie break. At worst, it’ll be a 6 week break, but realistically, I won’t last that long. I’ll miss everyone. Be back soon. Smooch!

More details when I’ve had time to sleep. In the meantime, the baby’s on the outside, weighing in a 9lbs. 4oz. Wifey is happy and healthy, despite 14 hours of vbac labor and then a c-section. See aforementioned size of baby, note that most of the 9lbs resides in the baby’s noggin, and remind baby that a sideways & twisted exit is ill-advised. Baby’s off-center cone noggin with deep circular dent near the soft spot tells the whole story. Most importantly:

Baby is healthy, beautiful and calm.
Daddies are absolutely thrilled.

Another successful surrogacy that will never make headlines.

Thanks to the excellent leadership (and postage money and pile of lace cookies) of Katie of The Dilettante Debutante, Team MIT sent off 20 (!) scarves for the Red Scarf Project. 15 of the scarves are pictured here. We also got a fabulous surprise visit from Suzanne, who added that beautiful bias stitch brown/orange/yellow scarf up near the top. Aren’t we awesome?

And here’s my finished Besotted. After blocking, it had such a nice drape that I decided against fringe. Oh yeah — and — I just didn’t feel like it.

Thanks to Danielle for modeling. And providing the camera. And for printing out the cute little gift tags and wrappers. And for bringing a bag that was big enough to fit both her scarf and my scarf on our walk across campus. And for carrying said bag. According to Chris, this makes Danielle my “work wife.” That’s fine with me; let’s just hope her husband doesn’t mind.

I’m heading off to Northampton tomorrow morning, so be prepared for booty from Valley Fabrics, Webs, and Cate. And since I got a gift certificate from Webs for Christmas, I won’t be breaking my Knit From Stash rules. Score!

lightweight Socks That Rock in Watermelon Tourmaline
Let’s talk about love. The love of one blogger for another blogger. Like … for instance … when one blogger enters a contest and doesn’t win. And another blogger sends Socks That Rock in the mail, unsolicited, for no apparent reason. Seriously. Love.

With all this love around, I ditched all prior knitting plans and commitments and wound balls and cast on for a new pair of socks for me! I’m so excited, I can barely stand myself. THANKS Frickmeister! You made my day, week, month, year!

don’t make fun of my polka dot socks + pin-striped pants.
it was 6am when I got dressed and clearly I wasn’t awake yet
Then I came home and bathed the Red Scarf. Wash #1: red water

Wash #2: red water

Wash #3: pink water; will this ever end?

Honestly, I was too bored to actually test the stamina of the dye. But … as a word of warning: do not wash KnitPicks Swish Superwash in Red Pepper with your silky white ’special set’ from VS.
[oh, the glory of a mental image ... ]

Back in November, Katie suggested that the MIT Stitch & Bitch do a mini-knit-along during IAP (aka January) to create scarves for the Red Scarf Project. Of course, the idea was a big hit, and lead to an official event in the IAP calendar. [clearly we're famous now]

Despite not posting about it, I’ve spent the last week knitting away at a Besotted Scarf in KnitPicks Swish Superwash in Red Pepper.

As of right now, the scarf is about 32″ long. I’m getting 15″ out of each ball, and since I only have three balls, this scarf will be 45″ with no fringe. I was hoping for a teeny bit of fringe, but it’s already fairly short, so I can’t spare the extra yarn. Oh well.

While I feel great about participating in this project, I also feel silly about walking around with cold hands because I refuse to 1) buy mittens or 2) stop the scarf and risk not finishing it in time, so I can make mittens for myself. Am I being totally ridiculous? Yeah, I thought so.

But if I slog through to the end of this scarf monogamously (despite the siren call of my Arwen and my cold hands), my reward will be to knit a pair of mittens (or a hat?) out of the most beautiful handspun that I got from the recent MIT SnB holidaze yankee swap (note to self: explain why I’ll never participate in another yankee swap). But I’ve also signed up for the Green Sock Along over at Knotty Bits because I have two skeins of the most incredible green sock yarn from my generous birthday presents and I can’t wait to cast on. But what about Wifey’s Icarus or Hag’s socks or Mom’s poncho or my Eris or Little Man’s cornflower sweater, you ask? Yeah … I should get back to those, huh?

Clearly monogamy is difficult for me. And clearly, I’ll have no problem knitting from stash until the end of September.

- Bruise update: it was measured, and it’s larger, and more colorful (eeewwww!). there’s a new photo, and the old photo has 69 views, which scares me a little.