FemiKnitMafia

60 Comments Add your own

• 1. no-blog-rachel  |  January 18, 2008 at 1:59 am

  Oh hon I am so sorry you and little man are being forced to endure this. I do know how it feels.

  *hugs*

• 2. Cynical Knitting Gal  |  January 18, 2008 at 2:06 am

  Hang in there. Have you read Helping Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way? Don’t let the corny title fool you…it has good stuff in it…

• 3. Painter Woman  |  January 18, 2008 at 4:13 am

  Attagirl. It is worth it.
  And before you know it, he’ll be grown up and have opinions, wisdom and perspective all his own. Really. Ask Wenders.
  Surely there’s a way to change your log in info on Flickr?

• 4. Rabbitch  |  January 18, 2008 at 4:30 am

  I’m so sorry. Chin up — we’re all behind you.

• 5. Julie  |  January 18, 2008 at 6:30 am

  Biting your tongue is the hardest part. I’ve been doing it for hmm, 18 years now and I’m here to tell you it’s been worth it. Teachers were always surprised to learn my boys came from divorced parents. As someone *much* farther down the line I just wanted to say it’ll pay off.

• 6. Mary R  |  January 18, 2008 at 6:41 am

  I hoped everything was going to be different now that you moved. I wish you luck and just remember that you have our support dealing with this. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you.

• 7. Carole  |  January 18, 2008 at 7:35 am

  My ex-husband had an affair for a year and a half, from the time Hannah was 6 months old until she was 2. I remember that after I found out I kept waiting for him to “make it up” to me, to say he was sorry, to do something that let me know that he knew he’d made a horrible mistake. It never happened and I finally threw him out. I’m not sure why I’m telling you this now other than to say that you have to find your way through this without expecting anything from Xifey.

• 8. PumpkinMama  |  January 18, 2008 at 7:49 am

  You can do it. Hang in there.

• 9. Danielle  |  January 18, 2008 at 8:19 am

  Hugs to both of you. I can’t do much more than that, but it doesn’t feel like it’s enough …

• 10. maryse  |  January 18, 2008 at 8:42 am

  i don’t know what to tell you other than i support you and little man 100%

  HEAR THAT XIFEY!!!!??????

• 11. Cheryl  |  January 18, 2008 at 8:45 am

  Time to change all your passwords.

• 12. Lisa  |  January 18, 2008 at 9:12 am

  I’m with the rest on the flicker account….change the password and see if you can change the user id….

  As for Xifey…..she is a child that has not grown up. I too was the “victim” of a husband that had three affairs before I had enough and left. He never appologized and acted as if it was all my fault. SO - Xifey, if you’re reading - either shit or get off the pot and leave the arguments for the court room and not for LM to pick up on!

  Read the book that CKG speaks of. It does have great stuff in it.

  We support you and are here for you!

• 13. CTJen  |  January 18, 2008 at 9:25 am

  I wish I knew something better to say than “hang in there”. But, I don’t. I’ll send a hug instead. (((HUG)))

• 14. Cetta  |  January 18, 2008 at 9:33 am

  My ex was the one who had an affair with the neighbor, then vilified ME to anyone who would listen. It was my fault, of course. I have to believe that this is how they cope with their guilt - turning it around.

  As for your boy. This sucks for him, of course, but he will come through OK. You will make sure of it.

• 15. Holly  |  January 18, 2008 at 10:11 am

  I’m very sorry you are going through this. This is similar to the breakup of my first marriage. My ex-husband left me for a woman he worked with. My 3 daughters were 8,6 & 6 at the time. It was a very rough time for all of us. I am with the others, change your password and your user ID to make it harder for her to find it.
  And keep your chin up, it will pass.

• 16. Lucy  |  January 18, 2008 at 10:13 am

  This is a terrible thing to deal with. Your son is so lucky to have your warm, loving heart to get him through. And you? You’ve got us!

• 17. Kathode Ray Tube  |  January 18, 2008 at 10:19 am

  I’d say you’re doing a fantastic job biting the lips and trying to keep the disagreements away from LM. Of course, it’s got to be massively stressful. Hang in there and lean on your friends. I’m thinking of you.

• 18. Carrie  |  January 18, 2008 at 10:30 am

  It’s easier for her to demonize you in her head than to deal with the fact that she was the one who killed the marriage. Change your flickr account, private the photos you want privated, and keep being civil. Your son will figure it out when he’s a little older and it will all come back to bite her hard if she can’t mellow out for his sake. (For his sake, I hope she does just that.)

• 19. Pi Grrrl  |  January 18, 2008 at 10:37 am

  You can do, but I’m sorry it so sucky. Hang in there.

• 20. Britt  |  January 18, 2008 at 11:10 am

  and I think you are being the bigger person. I know it is not going to be easy, but I know that you realize keeping those fights away him will be for the best in the end. Good luck and if you need anything let me know!

• 21. kit  |  January 18, 2008 at 11:15 am

  If she admits to having done something bad, she has to feel guilty. Therefore it has to be the fault of the victim. Eventually she’ll go on to some other victim, but it may take a long time. In the meantime I second (fourth, fifth, whatever) changing passwords. Creating new accounts even, if that is what it takes. She’s mostly all noise anyway.

• 22. liz  |  January 18, 2008 at 11:38 am

  Mafia,
  I’m sorry and it’s really too bad you & LM are going through this.
  I’m going to say this though: as far as deleting the blog & the flickr page goes, your blog is about as private as it gets.
  I’m a new-ish reader & I know nothing about you. Have never seen you, cannot even guess what LM really looks like. I don’t know Xifey or what she looks like.
  Nor do I want to know any of these things, really.
  I just like reading your blog - the spinning, knits in progress, finished objects, etc.
  Keep writing - you’re an interesting person, a fantastic knitter/spinner & a really great writer.
  Oh one more thing - I’m 31, my parents have been divorced since I was 3 or 4. I have no memory of fighting or ill will, although I’m sure there was some, but my parents did their best to be civil. And I think it worked. So just know you are absolutely doing the right thing.
  Sorry this turned into a novel.

• 23. elizabeth  |  January 18, 2008 at 11:55 am

  I’m so sorry! My ex and I separated when our son was five and we really tried to keep the unpleasantness from him. You’re right, your son IS hurting and giving him that big hug and spending time with him, reassuring him and letting him know that you love him, that you’ll always love him, is the best thing you can do. You can’t change the situation, you didn’t want it either, but you can be there for each other. *hugs*

• 24. Alison  |  January 18, 2008 at 11:56 am

  Oh, words are so inadequate sometimes. You are wise and strong. And, obviously, the bigger person. We’re all behind you.

• 25. Bertha  |  January 18, 2008 at 12:25 pm

  This is bullshit and I am so sorry you and your son have to put up with it.
  xoxo

• 26. Carry  |  January 18, 2008 at 12:53 pm

  Deleting YOUR pictures in YOUR account??? Un-fucking-believable! She really should be hanging her head in shame instead of bullying you…and using LM as a threat? Beyond low…

  A small part of me hopes she’s pulling this shit because she is SO guilty…and when she sees your post will see just how petty she is being and desist (if not outright apologize???)

  Regardless hon, hang in there. You’re doing great and you are loved.

• 27. Sara  |  January 18, 2008 at 12:55 pm

  Honestly? I admire your ability to blog about such topics at all - I am presently paralyzed with my blog mostly b/c I can’t figure out how to do it, KWIM? Just keep doing what you’re doing - you’re doing a phenomenal job - and keeping LM front and center - which is exactly where he should be - all the rest will either be good and integrate itself, or fall off to the edge like chaff from the wheat, or veggie matter from the carded fleece, etc. Think of Xifey like irritating little nubs you have to deal with while spinning LOL - you can deal with them, you know how, and the end product will still be beautiful.

  Ok never mind - I haven’t had my full cuppa tea yet and my metaphoric abilities are suspect at best. You’re doing good, you’re doing right, keep at it. Hang tight.

• 28. Beth S.  |  January 18, 2008 at 2:50 pm

  Huh? She can’t do stuff in your own personal Flickr account. Especially if you change the password, like, *now*.

  And I’d love to know how she thinks she can get a “different custody arrangement” when she’s the one who put her sexual gratification ahead of his need for a stable home.

• 29. roro  |  January 18, 2008 at 4:50 pm

  Holy effing shit. What is her problem?? Stick it, bully!

  LM is a very lucky boy to have you for a mom. I hope you two have a wonderful time together. Am sending hugs your way and fish heads hers. GAH.

• 30. Kim  |  January 18, 2008 at 5:56 pm

  I’m so sorry - the situation sucks for you and everyone. It’s really too bad Xifey finds it necessary to spread the suckage around. Love to you and Little Man.

• 31. Jena (the yarn harpy)  |  January 18, 2008 at 6:35 pm

  I’m so sorry… I can’t imagine the pain that this is all causing for you and Little Man. Sadly, the perpetrator of the pain usually has no idea. We watched (and are still watching) this happen with my niece, brother-in-law and his ex-whore-of-a-wife and how it is affecting the little girl and my heart breaks for you.
  I didn’t contribute a square to your comfort-ghan because I didn’t know you (though I guess we did meet, since you have a picture of Danielle and me in your Flickr!) but I want to offer my sympathies and a hug to a semi-stranger.
  Just keep believing in karma… that’s how I get through that sort of awfulness.

• 32. Megan  |  January 18, 2008 at 6:45 pm

  Oh Mafia, that sucks. Hang in there - hang in there.

• 33. Susan  |  January 18, 2008 at 9:31 pm

  Baby, you need to love that LM and paint him up all he wants. You have his best interests at heart and the best you can do is make your time with him as good as it can be. It sucks to take the high road when the person who caused the problem continues to sling mud, but be strong for yourself and LM. (HUGS)

• 34. mote  |  January 18, 2008 at 9:51 pm

  Ugh, definitely change your passwords, I have been the victim of that kind of online terrorizing and it is a horrible feeling.

  My thoughts are with you and LM, it’s obvious that you have your son’s best interests at heart.

• 35. Kelly  |  January 19, 2008 at 11:12 am

  I’m sorry about all the trouble, and I’m sorry for your hurt and that of Little Man’s. This is the tough time, now, and it will get better. And he’ll have wonderful, warm memories of you being there for him, always.

• 36. Brandy  |  January 20, 2008 at 12:43 am

  I don’t know if either of you would be up for it, but divorce counseling might be helpful. You don’t want to stay together, but learning how to be apart is so important–for your health, hers, and for Little Man’s. Having a safe place to have a dialogue about how you want your parenting partnership to be could make things easier. Because it seems to me that she’s so accustomed to controlling you that, even though you’re separated, she’s not giving that up yet.

  My heart goes out to you and LM.

• 37. Kat with a K  |  January 20, 2008 at 12:52 pm

  Hugs. I’m so sorry you and Little Man are going through this. Let me know if there’s anything I can do.

  And yeah… I echo whoever said to make sure you change all your passwords to something she’d never guess.

• 38. leah  |  January 20, 2008 at 3:36 pm

  may you all find peace!

• 39. knitredsox  |  January 20, 2008 at 10:04 pm

  I’m so sorry. We’re all with you — and LM.

• 40. Gurukarm  |  January 20, 2008 at 10:11 pm

  Honey, I’m worryin’ for you… All that tongue-biting and holding stuff in is NOT good for your psyche either. Protecting LM is of course of utmost importance, but I very sincerely hope you have someone you can be telling all those feelings of frustration, rage, and hurt to, so it doesn’t settle and cause an ulcer or worse. Besides what little you feel ok letting out here in blog-land, to those of us who care for you a great deal.
  {{{hugs}}}

• 41. Maritza  |  January 21, 2008 at 12:38 am

  Hang in there and be strong. You are stronger than you know. My thoughts are with you and LM.

• 42. Erica  |  January 21, 2008 at 3:52 am

  The Helping Kids book CKG mentioned is a great resource for you and LM. And, while it’s a sometimes painful read, at some point you might want to take a look at Uncoupling. It’s more of a sociological study than a touchy feely self help book and I found it an insightful read when I was was trying to determine what the hell went wrong w/a 12 year relationship and exactly how it was I rated getting dumped.
  Warmest thoughts and hopes for you and LM. He’s incredibly fortunate to have such a strong and compassionate mom.

• 43. Lucia  |  January 21, 2008 at 3:22 pm

  Cetta, Carrie and Kit are right on the money: treating someone badly makes you think less of that person, because that’s preferable to thinking less of yourself. We’ve all done it, but some of us are slower learners than others. (There is a terrific book on this sort of coping mechanism called “Mistakes Were Made (but not by me),” but I digress.)

  Anyhow. Change those passwords already! And hang in there. (((Mafia)))

• 44. Meghann  |  January 22, 2008 at 3:59 pm

  Here you had a rough weekend….((hugs)) rest, fluids, more rest and a little less stress. I’m keeping you and LM in my thoughts……I know you want the absolute best for him and that can be SOOOOO hard.

• 45. Kathode Ray Tube  |  January 22, 2008 at 4:42 pm

  Hey, hope you are feeling better!! Didja get some knitting done in between pokes and prods? take care.

• 46. Carry  |  January 22, 2008 at 4:52 pm

  Me again! Just writing ’cause I heard you got knocked on yer ass…

  Hang in there and know you have a whole bunch of peeps rootin’ you on…

• 47. Katie  |  January 22, 2008 at 4:54 pm

  Feel better soon!

• 48. Kit  |  January 22, 2008 at 5:19 pm

  I also got the word that you’ve been sick. Feel better soon.

• 49. Lucia  |  January 22, 2008 at 6:06 pm

  Hey, all your days seem to be Monday lately! You might try one of the other six days for a change.

  In other words, feel better. (((Mafia)))

• 50. Justine  |  January 22, 2008 at 7:13 pm

  heard/read you were under the weather, get better, hope your not to sick to knit!

• 51. Mary R  |  January 22, 2008 at 8:50 pm

  Feel better soon

• 52. JenniferH  |  January 22, 2008 at 9:39 pm

  I echo the voices of the chorus, and add this note: my parents divorced when I was 5, and the only one I trust (today at age 3 is the mom who stuck around. We have our differences, but I can always count on her. When he grows up, LM will know who was there for him. When he’s old enough to understand all the nonsense being thrown at you now, he’ll admire you that much more.
  And just know that even lurkers think you’re awesome and would happily, to quote Rabbitch, “visit great stabbery on their lame asses” on your behalf. .

• 53. no-blog-rachel  |  January 22, 2008 at 10:20 pm

  Hey…heard you were sick (and not in that twisted, good way). Feel better soon!!

• 54. Dorothy  |  January 22, 2008 at 11:29 pm

  Little Man is so lucky to have you. Sending you many hugs and strength for the path ahead.

• 55. Britt  |  January 23, 2008 at 7:20 am

  get better soon!

• 56. Thorny  |  January 23, 2008 at 3:08 pm

  Hey lady, hope you’re feeling better! Heard you got whupped by a microbe. Hope you’re kicking its ass in return.

  Rest up, get well soon, and I hope things with Xifey cool down a bit, because I know how much it kills you inside to see Little Man hurting.

  Try to trust that everything will be all right. Little Man can feel how much you love him, and that, in the end, is going to be stronger than any pain he’s going through now.

• 57. Julie  |  January 24, 2008 at 4:43 pm

  Typical of a bully, to pick on the weakest victim (Little Man, even though she would probably deny it, that’s exactly what she’s doing). It seems like a cat would have better maternal instincts than Xifey - you’re supposed to protect your young, not hurt them. He is very lucky that he has you to show him what a mother’s love is supposed to be like, Mafia.

  I know the online invasion feeling and can only hope it will get better for you. As everyone has said, see if you can change the passwords. If the stupid b*tch is so juvenille as to do something like that, there’s no telling how low she’ll stoop.

  *hugs* to you and LM.

• 58. dharma  |  January 25, 2008 at 1:46 pm

  I so sorry your ex is being so rude as to play your love of your child as device in her anger.

• 59. Sneaksleep  |  January 26, 2008 at 3:35 pm

  So much catching up for me to do with your blog, but I’m so glad you haven’t allowed yourself to be bullied into taking it down. I’ve missed you in the month I’ve been slacking on my blog reading, and I would have been heartbroken if you were gone now. You are a wonderful mother and LM is lucky to have you. But you know that.

• 60. Laurie  |  January 29, 2008 at 7:44 am

  Good for you. (And hope you are recovered from that nasty virus.)

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