Won Serious Badass

November 19, 2007

There was big drama over the blog & comments over the past two weeks, hence the absence, but I believe that drama has passed. Different drama arrived to replace it, but ’tis the nature of divorce.

On a positive note — Little Man and I spent last weekend in Philadelphia for a pre-birthday visit with the BFF&exGF#2 and her Dearest, during which we were pampered by two of the most generous people on earth. Since the BFF has cable, I caught up on my trashy television: Tila Tequila. Dani = yelp, pant, pant, beg. Lesbian readers, pay attention - you can watch the entire series online for FREE. Trust me. Go meet Dani. You won’t regret the investment in trashy TV. And yes, I mean you Cate. Go now. She’s totally your type. Plus, there’s a major treat in Ep. 5. Go.

Ahem.

Anyway … I believe the rest of you are waiting for a decision and a prize. Right?

First of all, let me say this: Blogless Pi Grrrl was correct. I was only asking folks to share their dastardly deeds so I could engage in some therapeutic fantasizing. I didn’t intend to do anything. Really, I didn’t. But I was pushed too far. Again. And regarding being pushed too far, let us never discuss my birthday. Fun times at Chez Mafia. But I digress.

So the prize goes to …

Martha

… who not only frightened me with her insanity and used some excellent curse words. But she guessed the real deal — burning the note in a pot. Martha, you know the protocol. Email your address and I’ll send you something soon(ish).

Honorable mention goes to:

Beth S. for being super passive aggressive and snarky

Blogless Brandy for suggesting blonde nubile house guests, despite the fact that I’d trade them for salt-&-pepper pant-suit-&- heels-wearing powerful 30-something house guests with a soft curve or two. Just sayin’

Blogless Erin for suggesting the use of an evidence bag

FemiKnitter for being truly gross (love it!)

Jenn for a suggestion that’s crossed my mind a number of times over the past couple weeks

Lucia, for beginning the Alternate Mix Tape thread, which makes me think that I need to compile all these suggestions and make one. “Hello, iTunes? Can I get a credit line?”

Blogless Marisa for making me LOLcat

Mary for suggesting Skunk Essence and Red Fox Urine (where in the world can you procure those anyway?)

Melanie for her mind-fuckery idea involving bengay and STD accusations

Mote for a suggestion that involves tools. The Mafia loves tools

PumpkinMama for a simultaneous passive aggression & reality check

Rabbitch for combining a song list, Addis, blood, camel/tussah, and cocktails in the same idea

Suzanne for a scientifically educational idea involving the smell of semen (eeeeww yuck yuck)

Terry, for introducing me to my new favorite song: Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood

Thorny for an idea involving Taco Bell, shit, lighter fluid and the word “fuckwaddery”

Now pardon me while I go drop a wad on iTunes.

Entry Filed under: Contest, Divorce, Dykalicious, Xifey. .

21 Comments Add your own

1. Julie | November 19, 2007 at 7:02 am

The fox urine can be acquired at your local garden center, it’s reputed to keep critters out of your yard if you use it to mark the boundaries. We just cleaned out the basement otherwise I might have had some you could have gratis.
2. heather | November 19, 2007 at 8:39 am

Sorry you’ve had drama over the whole thing, including comments. Hope we didn’t get too out of hand. Good to see you back, tho.
3. Teresa C | November 19, 2007 at 8:53 am

I hope there was some good to your birthday. Hopefully we’ll chat soon.
4. femiknitter | November 19, 2007 at 10:22 am

Now, from the sound of it, I don’t think I’m the only truly gross person hanging around the comments! Red fox urine? Semen? Shit? Awesome. We are truly among friends.

Hope all is going better is Mafia-land and I’m glad you had a great time in Philly.
5. Suzanne | November 19, 2007 at 10:22 am

NIce to see that you’re back! Wait - no honorable mention for the use of “twatwaffle”? Maybe I’m thinking of another post. Seems there’s a surefire way to avoid drama - clean living.
6. Danielle | November 19, 2007 at 10:38 am

Can I add an more honorable mention from me — the comment from Haddy that made me nearly snort beverages out my nose —
“I don’t really have anything better than already stated. However, I would like to publicly thank those who contributed to my new vocabulary.
I will be adding these:
“twatwaffle”
“tardypants”
“fuckwaddery”

I’m off to make flash cards so I can practice these on my train ride home…”

I may have used one (or more) of these words in her honor.
7. Manise | November 19, 2007 at 11:14 am

I was kind of partial to the shrimp in the hubcap! Hehehe. Sorry you caught so much shit for our responses to her bad behavior.
8. julia fc | November 19, 2007 at 12:49 pm

I love Tila too! And I am so rooting for Dani. I just heart her butch ass.
9. Thorn | November 19, 2007 at 12:55 pm

Well, I hope the drama has come to a close, at least for a little while. I also hope Little Man is doing all right with everything that’s going on.

Also? I got an honorable mention! Squee!!
10. Sharon Rose | November 19, 2007 at 1:11 pm

What? You were in Philly and didn’t even say “hi?” *pout*
11. Dorothy | November 19, 2007 at 1:17 pm

Now see when I read about the Mixed Tape scenario, I immediately thought of stapling the effing thing to the table with an entire row of staples. Of course I envision a pneumatic stapler full of 2 1/2″ staples. They make such a satisfying thunk/kick when they fire. I was too late for the party though. Ah well. Burning in a wok would be just as satisfying.

I do hope all the fun that resulted has settled and am glad you and Little Man got to hang out and have fun together.
12. Sitcomgirl | November 19, 2007 at 2:05 pm

Tila Tequila is my new favorite trashy show. But yes, Dani = teh hotness.

Glad to hear you had a good weekend in Philly, here’s hoping the drama quiets down to nothingness.
13. Lisa | November 19, 2007 at 2:22 pm

I’m with Danielle. I have been trying to figure out ways that I can add these words into my daily vocabulary and give credit to Haddy.

I’m glad that you got some much deserved R&R!
14. Martha | November 19, 2007 at 3:52 pm

I’m really not insane (or scary), promise! People tell me I’m actually very low key. But, you know, it’s always the quiet ones you have to watch out for …

Sorry if I got you in trouble, though. Thanks for the giftie (take your time) and, personally, I’m glad you burned the note in a pot. I hope you felt better a little better after. A little empowered, as it were.
15. Jenn | November 19, 2007 at 3:58 pm

Good for you and your pampered weekend away with little man. Sorry you caught hell but man, some of those comments almost made me snort beverages too.
16. Lucia | November 19, 2007 at 4:33 pm

I am honored. Truly. And hope the rest of 33 is an improvement. [[[Mafia]]]
17. no-blog-rachel | November 19, 2007 at 9:27 pm

I’m not generally a Carrie Underwood fan but damn, isn’t Before He Cheats great? She sings a really good pissed-off song.

Sorry you’re still dealing with drama - ugh.
18. Brandy | November 20, 2007 at 12:59 am

Flattered to be an honorable mention.

Whatever, your flavor, I hope that you are blessed. You deserve it.

p.s. I would suggest that Xifey, who’s chosen a life of her own, focus on it rather than making your life hell for having the strength to make a life without her. It must be hell realizing that you can’t have it both ways. I’m just saying…
19. Mary | November 21, 2007 at 12:49 am

Can I have mine changed to a “not-quite-so-honorable-as-I-should-be” mention? KIDDING!! (Essences available at the Kittery Trading Post, Kittery, Maine-don’t tell them I sent you)
20. honeybee33 | November 21, 2007 at 4:10 pm

Wait a minute - *you*? caught *drama*?? for *that*???!!! sounds like someone’s taken a trip to Revisionist World to me.

Anyway, I don’t think anyone here needs to apologize. The mistake was clearly yours in underestimating the extreme affection and loyalty you engender. Don’t ever think again that your back is not sufficiently “got.” Now, go forth from this moment on and use your power only for good.

~ hb33, tongue only mildly planted in cheek ~ ;~)
21. Haddy | November 25, 2007 at 8:44 am

I don’t know whether to thank you or hate you for sending me to Tila. That show is a trainwreck, but I watched all of it yesterday. Hubby and I thoroughly enjoyed Ashley’s psychotic break. There’s a lot of asshattery on that show.

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