FemiKnitMafia

93 Comments

• 1. Courtney  |  October 30, 2007 at 10:44 am

  Hand her the piece of paper, and as if you didn’t know say “It’s a little late for mixed tapes you CUNT!”

  Or or or… make a NEW list with songs like “She fucking hates me”…

  Mafia, glad to see you posting again! Missed you! =)

• 2. Carole  |  October 30, 2007 at 10:56 am

  I’m make a mix list of songs dealing with betrayal, cheating and lying.

• 3. pumpkinmama  |  October 30, 2007 at 10:59 am

  Find a red pen.
  Add song #20, “F.O.D (Fuck off and Die)” - Green Day.
  Then breathe and relish in the thought that she’s entering a relationship with a 12 year old.

• 4. Chris Q  |  October 30, 2007 at 11:00 am

  cheezy, for sure.

  I suppose you could make some kind of “ironic” playllist, inspired by something silly like “I love pizza” or ” my heart feels like swiss cheez”.

  I don’t know how people manage to traverse the thin line between taking the high road and just lashing out for the sake of it.

  don’t people know that Jon Mayer and the DMB are so 2001?

  hang in there!

• 5. Ann-Marie MacKay  |  October 30, 2007 at 11:07 am

  does x-ifey have an ipod? i would totally switch the playlist to something that you are feeling.
  songs of betrayal and/or weird mixes that mean nothing

• 6. Jan  |  October 30, 2007 at 11:09 am

  Shred. Leave pieces.

• 7. Lucia  |  October 30, 2007 at 11:09 am

  Mix Tape #5
  1. Bon Jovi - You Give Love a Bad Name
  2. Def Leppard - Love Bites
  3. Cher - Believe
  4. Linda Ronstadt - You’re No Good
  5. Eagles - Already Gone
  6. Gloria Gaynor - I Will Survive
  7. Billy Joel - Movin’ Out
  8. Nancy Sinatra - These Boots Are Made For Walkin’
  9. Bob Dylan - Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right
  10. Ella Fitzgerald - Bye Bye Blackbird

  (I may be dating myself a bit here.)

• 8. leah  |  October 30, 2007 at 11:14 am

  i’m thinking, will get back to you…

• 9. melanie  |  October 30, 2007 at 11:17 am

  Add to that list (in addition to the Fuck Off and Die song), Alanis’s You Oughta Know.

  You might also add your own commenting at the bottom to include the phrases “grow the fuck up” and “move out already”, and of course whatever else you deem appropriate.

• 10. femiknitter  |  October 30, 2007 at 11:17 am

  Umm, can I be totally disgusting in my response? If so, I say you should pee on it, let it dry, then put it back. If she asks about it, you can tell her the truth or not based on your own judgment.

  (Sorry if I’ve managed to gross out or offend anyone. I don’t make a habit of peeing on things. I’m going for the insane/outrageous vote here.)

• 11. Maritza  |  October 30, 2007 at 11:17 am

  You put the note down, breathe in, breath out, and walk away. You get in your car and blast the radio and mentally compile your own list of songs that make you happy or go with your mood or whatever. You go about your day and be the best you possible. You smile and talk with coworkers and students and flirt and feel good about yourself. You do not let this fucking self-centered, narcissistic tardypants get the best of you and let her ruin your day, or your life for that matter, with her childishness, selfishness, and the inability to see beyond herself. Fuck her and her little friend too. Besides, who the hell likes the Dave Matthews Band besides bloated ex-frat boys? Ew. The list speaks volumes about this other woman’s asshattery and bad taste.

• 12. Karen  |  October 30, 2007 at 11:18 am

  Assuming the dining room table is hers I say you set the whole thing on fire and when asked about it say the paper just burst into flames.

• 13. Maritza  |  October 30, 2007 at 11:18 am

  No offensse to anyone else who likes the Dave Matthews Band…

• 14. Cetta  |  October 30, 2007 at 11:27 am

  Replace it with one of your own. Include songs like:

  Song For the Dumped, Ben Folds Five
  Your Cheating Heart
  You Oughta Know, Alanis
  You Give Love a Bad Name, Bon Jovi
  Love Stinks, J. Geils
  Goodbye to You, Scandal
  Strong Enough, Cher
  Push, Matchbox 20
  Time For Me To Fly, REO Speedwagon
  Similar Features, Melissa Etheridge
  It’s Too Late, Carole King
  Walking on Broken Glass, Annie Lennox

  And of course:
  I will survive! Gloria Gaynor

  … I’m sure there are many more

• 15. Sara  |  October 30, 2007 at 11:28 am

  Is it just me or is the list alphabetized by artist?? If so, is that freaking strange? LIke, she searched for some grand playlist of lovesongs and picked ‘em one by one going down the list?? I’d point out how totally not from the heart that is PMP

  Make a list in return - Letters A through Z - of all of her faults and your wishes for her, e.g.:
  Asshole
  Big one
  Clueless
  Dumbass to boot
  Et damn cetera

• 16. Beth S.  |  October 30, 2007 at 11:40 am

  What to do? How about having a hearty giggle at the fact that a nearly-30-year-old woman (and supposedly responsible parent of a small child) is apparently still in middle school?

  And then maybe make the tape/cd, if you have the songs, and leave it there with a label in your handwriting: “Hi, I made your tape for you! Hope it makes your adultery feel extra romantic!!” Hee.

• 17. Erin  |  October 30, 2007 at 11:42 am

  Return it to the table in an evidence bag (like they use in court) labelled -Exhibit A?

  Take heart that the Other Woman has lousy taste in music- Maybe make a mixtape featuring the awsome Tullycraft song “Pop Songs (Your new boygirlfriend’s too stupid to know about)”.

• 18. Cheryl  |  October 30, 2007 at 11:44 am

  Well I was going to comment but then I read Pumpkinmama’s and it really said it all. No topping that.

• 19. Becca  |  October 30, 2007 at 11:49 am

  All I can say is, what appalling taste. On the part of both parties.

• 20. Kat  |  October 30, 2007 at 11:55 am

  Wow, lots of great ideas here. If possible I would delete all those songs from her iTunes database and then re-name other songs with those same names/artists/info/etc. Of course the other songs would be completely random and horrible to listen to, like blaring, bad techno house, or really vulgar rap, or some sterotypical country, or some of the breakup songs listed above.

• 21. Kat  |  October 30, 2007 at 11:56 am

  I also like the pee idea, but then again I can be gross and vulgar.

• 22. Marisa  |  October 30, 2007 at 12:07 pm

  A mix tape? A MIX TAPE? This does not deserve a response. Except maybe a similarly high-school themed IM that says “I HATE UR GTS.”

• 23. jg  |  October 30, 2007 at 12:15 pm

  I would smear one of your dog’s poops on it and write in big bold type- shit happens. Then, fold it in half once again and place it on the table where you found it. Then when she opens up the paper she’ll have shit on her hands and a nice thought for her day.

• 24. Thorn  |  October 30, 2007 at 12:20 pm

  Man. It’s too bad Little Man’s no longer in diapers. Because seriously - I would just tuck that little memento of fuckwaddery into his diaper whenever I knew Xifey would be the next one to change him, and then she too can know the joys of finding something completely shitty when she’s just going about her day. (Did I mention - part of this plan also hinges on taking the pre-potty trained Little Man to Taco Bell beforehand as well.)

  Alas, I have no ideas beyond that. Well, that don’t involve lighter fluid and a trip through the neighborhood for all the dog shit you can find. evil grin.

• 25. Kate  |  October 30, 2007 at 12:39 pm

  Hmm…I like the retaliation mix idea (I’ve made a few myself over bad breakups, which doesn’t really compare). Create your own mix of F-off songs, play at full volume.

• 26. leah  |  October 30, 2007 at 12:42 pm

  do they even make tapes any more?

  make a “mixed tape” for little man- all the reasons you love him and why he is the best little man in the world or a list of all his best qualties. concentrate on all the love he has for you.

  most of all rise above these idiots. also know you are stong and will survive you have many people suporting you and you will be happier in the end. blast some ani, drive or run. these two seem to have some serious arrested development going on.

• 27. Rhonda the Stitchingnut  |  October 30, 2007 at 12:42 pm

  pumpkinmama has a good one … and I like Lucia’s play list. But what would I do? Don’t know if I could bring myself to “pee” on the list but … You don’t have a dart board by any chance do you.? I’d put up the list & a picture of Xifey (& her immature, shit head, monkey face friend too if you have one)(ah, can you tell I don’t swear much/well?) and stick it inside the dart board with dart holes in ‘em. M-m-m-m. Close it up and let her find it after the move. All based on whether you have a dart board game or not tho.

  Just the process of throwing the darts will make you feel good, BTW. Ask me how I know …

• 28. Lisa  |  October 30, 2007 at 12:49 pm

  Wow…..so many people have already given you such good responses…..

  Just because I agree, I think that you should make up a new list too. Use all of the great songs listed above and add:

  Dump That Chump - Saffire Girls
  You’ll Never Get Me Out Of Your Mind - Saffire Girls

  I feel liek there are a hundred good country songs that qualify and there should be at least one kd lang song too….

  Beyond that, the courtroom evidence bag still has me laughing so hard I need tissues.

• 29. Danielle  |  October 30, 2007 at 12:54 pm

  Wow. My vindictive side pales in comparison to the comments previously left here. So, while not the mainstream view, I will (still) advise you to take the high road and the long-term view and not succumb to the lowest common denominator. (Though I do like Lucia and Cetta’s alternate playlists, and Beth’s snarky suggestion …

• 30. Alex  |  October 30, 2007 at 1:05 pm

  Wow. Everyone knows that you don’t put two songs by the same artist on one mix, and if you must then you definitely don’t put them together, and alphabetizing by artist is the work of a complete twatwaffle.

  (Mostly I just wanted to say “twatwaffle” because it’s such a good word.)

  I vote for setting the list on fire. Use something good for kindling, like the laptop.

• 31. Amy  |  October 30, 2007 at 1:08 pm

  Imagine: A neatly-folded piece of paper in Xifey’s coffee mug. In fantastically cursive letters, complete with little hearts dotting the i:

  “Playlist for Someone Who Needs to Get the Fuck Out, Already”

  1. Weird Al - Since You’ve Been Gone
  2. The Blow - What Tom Said About Girls
  3. The Magnetic Fields - I Don’t Really Love You Anymore
  4. Cake - I Will Survive
  5. XTC - New Dictionary
  6. Weird Al - One More Minute
  7. Ben Folds Five - Song for the Dumped
  8. Motley Crue - Don’t Go Away Mad (Just Go Away)
  9. REM - The One I Love
  10. Mountain Goats - No Children
  11. Bob Dylan - Idiot Wind
  12. Liz Phair - Insanity
  13. Weird Al - I’m So Sick Of You

  Hm. Kind of makes you wonder about Weird Al’s life…

  (Also, let me know if you’d like me to send you a cd.

• 32. Amy  |  October 30, 2007 at 1:11 pm

  (Just for clarity, *I* would just shake my head and ignore it, but that’s not nearly so fun a suggestion. )

• 33. jenny  |  October 30, 2007 at 1:12 pm

  wow, #4, huh? the depth of this well must be quite impressive!
  good luck on the condo!!!!!!!!!!

• 34. Christy / Not Hip  |  October 30, 2007 at 1:13 pm

  Damn, Amy already wrote my idea, so I’ll just leave one word:
  Burn

  Wow, and holy crap: it is alphabetized. Apparently she is an anal middle schooler.

• 35. maryse  |  October 30, 2007 at 1:23 pm

  well since courtney said it … i will too. stupid cunts. both of them.

  i’d take the high road too.

  joe’s still available to help you with the changing of the locks by the way

• 36. Em  |  October 30, 2007 at 1:25 pm

  I can’t top the playlists that others have already composed here, but that’s totally what I’d do. Same yellow paper & red pen if you can manage it, and I really liked the suggestion to dot the ‘i’s with hearts!

  The suggestion of peeing on it makes me giggle, a lot, but that’s probably not what I’d do.

• 37. Lucia  |  October 30, 2007 at 1:40 pm

  OH! Now that I’ve read Amy’s, I can’t believe I forgot One More Minute! Oh, and Maryse reminds me: Right Key, Wrong Keyhole by Charmaine Neville. (I saw her do it live once. Great song, if a bit heterocentric.)

• 38. Deneise  |  October 30, 2007 at 1:43 pm

  I like #11 - Maritza - just go on about your day and be the grownup.
  It is sometimes better to not do anything than to do something. It
  doesn’t make it any better but it also means that you didn’t sink to
  her level. Sometimes things like this can turn around and bite you
  in the butt and the best way is sometimes the hardest way to go.

  Yes I would have done something too if I had been in your place -
  got the divorce over 30 years ago and just wanted out as fast
  as possible.

  I hope things get start looking up and remember you have Little
  Man, which always helps amd don’t forget to ask for help
  whenever you need it.

• 39. Kathode Ray Tube  |  October 30, 2007 at 1:47 pm

  She can’t even alphabetize it by last name of the artist?? How lame is that? I say burn it too and give Xifey the ashes.

• 40. Martha  |  October 30, 2007 at 1:55 pm

  That was a seriously shitty thing she did, leaving that list out. I know the people who have written something to the extent of “shake it off, walk away and move on, vindictiveness is petty” are right, but there’s a reason one of my friends calls me VB (for Vindictive Bitch). I would probably take a hammer to the laptop. Or crush it under the wheels of my car. I know that I’d end up buying her a new, probably nicer laptop, but the satisfaction I’d have of crushing the old one into oblivion would totally be worth it. That friend who calls me VB? When she moved out of my house, she left behind her fetid old 90″ sofa, which I chopped up with a handsaw and axe and burned as firewood. I know this all says a disturbing amount about me and doesn’t really help you, except to say that the occasional petty act of vindictiveness (esp. if it borders on the spectacular) can be extremely cathartic. And can make a good story later. Just be prepared to pay compensation if necessary.

  At the very least, I’d put the list in her favorite bowl or pot, set it on fire and leave the ashes for her to find. Extra points if the flames damage the pot. Does she have any Le Crueset?

• 41. Krista M  |  October 30, 2007 at 1:58 pm

  A mix tape? Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me. I know, then we’ll meet on neutral ground, like, the third row in the cafeteria, at like B lunch, then like I’ll totally kick your ass…

• 42. Martha  |  October 30, 2007 at 2:09 pm

  Or you could throw all her shit on the lawn and change the locks. That might upset Little Man, though.

• 43. Mel  |  October 30, 2007 at 2:10 pm

  You know, I briefly considered a mix tape for the ex, but I decided the motherfucker just wasn’t worth the fucking energy. If Rabbitch is coming to wreak carnage, though, I may be up for that.

• 44. Kat with a K  |  October 30, 2007 at 2:10 pm

  A mix TAPE? Seriously? And I am pretty much the alphabet’s biggest fan, but a mix is NOT supposed to be in alphabetical order.

• 45. Sarahfish  |  October 30, 2007 at 2:12 pm

  A mix tape?? A-yup. That’s great. I can’t top the above suggestions, mainly because I can’t quite bring myself to do the shit that’s put up there! The other day my X brought my little man to the store where i work to go rock climbing with me (I was working the wall…). He told me, in front of everyone, that E said to him earlier that he didn’t want to come with me. So I should try to “pitch” the idea to him. GREAT. THANKS. Arse…

• 46. Justine  |  October 30, 2007 at 2:19 pm

  I think you should go with the burn it idea, leave the ashes in container on the table and write out one of the lists that someone else has rpovided, but you need to include a song with bitch in the title

• 47. Cass  |  October 30, 2007 at 2:37 pm

  I really like Leah’s idea of making a mix for Little Man, although all the vindictive mixes sound so good for getting the rage out…and should include Untouchable Face. Dilate has always been my angry break up album. Don’t let her fill your thoughts - think about all those nice women you flirted with at Rhinebeck instead

• 48. Pi Grrrl  |  October 30, 2007 at 2:38 pm

  I think I would burn a cd containing the alternative playlists suggested above, but label it with the playlist on the note. Or, you tape an iTunes gift certificate to Xifey’s list. At the very least, I would do what you’re doing, which is asking us all to indulge our fantasy response. Hang in there.

• 49. earthchick  |  October 30, 2007 at 2:52 pm

  I like femiknitter’s “pee on it” idea, only maybe not just the playlist, but the laptop too.

• 50. Suzanne  |  October 30, 2007 at 2:59 pm

  Order some spermine from Sigma-Aldrich, and maybe some spermidine for good measure. Mix with water, soak the note in it, and air dry. The note will smell unmistakably like semen. (Really.) Now, Xifey will either not recognize the scent, in which case she will foolishly wander around smelling of semen; or she will recognize the scent and assume that you rounded up someone to jack off on the thing, and will in turn wonder exactly how you pulled that one off.

  I should point out that my idea was strongly influenced by Femiknitter’s comment.

• 51. roro  |  October 30, 2007 at 3:00 pm

  I think you should add a single song to the top of the alphabetized list:

  Ass-Munching Fuck Face - Hop On, Baby, and Take a One Way Trip to Loserville

• 52. Teresa C  |  October 30, 2007 at 3:06 pm

  Well I’d dig my key into the side of her pretty little souped up four wheel drive, carve my name into the leather seats, take a Louisville Slugger to both headlights, carve a hole in all four tires, baby next time she cheats………

  Anyway, I’m the high road girl, but by all means, the fantasy of doing any of the other suggestions could keep you going for a while.

• 53. Marcy  |  October 30, 2007 at 3:25 pm

  Get some superglue and either glue her laptop shut or just glue down the space bar. Heh.

  I love the retaliatory playlists, too.

• 54. Lucy  |  October 30, 2007 at 4:18 pm

  Fold it up and put it back where you found it. You have better things to do than waste your energy thinking about their adolescent behavior.

• 55. Jenn  |  October 30, 2007 at 4:25 pm

  Either don’t bother with any response at all, or, if you’d prefer and it would be fun/cathartic for you, make a mix but don’t attach a list.

  So she has to listen to it to see what it is.

  What a ridiculous bitch.

• 56. ErickaJo  |  October 30, 2007 at 4:33 pm

  Such wonderful ideas. I laughed too. Compiling a mix tape of your own is funny, but you’ve got better things to do. You’re putting a down payment on a condo!!

  I think the iTunes gift certificate taped to the list is the best idea. A smug little “fuck you, I’m better than that”. Put it in a card. Have fun shopping for that perfect card. Hallmark doesn’t make a line of “I’m so much better off without you” cards yet, but they should.

• 57. Lisa  |  October 30, 2007 at 4:45 pm

  ErickaJo - Please contact Hallmark and wotk out this new line of cards. We will all support the line and I’ll be the first one to buy one for my ex! Give me an address and I’ll begin a write in campaign!

• 58. Katie  |  October 30, 2007 at 5:20 pm

  I can’t think of anything nearly as good as posted above–but wow this is the most fun I’ve had reading comments in a long time. I’m partial to Beth’s idea that you make the tape yourself, what a way to poison a dozen romantic songs for x for a long time. And if you do, please get us a reaction photo.

• 59. Rabbitch  |  October 30, 2007 at 5:51 pm

  Well clearly you make up a note with the mix tape you’d like to make for her.

  1. If You Don’t Wanna Fuck Me Baby, Then Baby Fuck Off - Wayne County and the Electric Chairs.

  2. Desperate But Not Serious - Adam Ant

  3. Won’t Get Fooled Again - The Who

  4. Finish What Ya Started - van Halen

  5. Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana

  6. Goodbye Stranger - Supertramp

  7. Creep - Stone Temple Pilots

  8. Wannabe - Spice Girls

  9. Get Out Of This House - Shawn Colvin

  10. That Don’t Impress Me Much - Shania Twain

  And then you affix the note, firmly, through her cheatin’ heart with your Addi Turbos. (Addis are good for that, the blood washes off easily).

  And then you go out for cocktails with me and the other folks who actually care about you.

  I’ll bring the camel/tussah to spin, just for you, baby.

• 60. sara_k  |  October 30, 2007 at 5:52 pm

  I really like the idea of replacing the cd with what looks like an exact replica with all the same titles but replacing the actual music with alternatives. It is a lot of work for just a little satisfaction.

  Me? I might spit on it.

  I, uh, I was cleaning off his login and stumbled into his emails. I spent all night printing them out for the lawyer to use. By the time he woke up in her arms the next morning, I had 3″ of printouts and an airtight case.

• 61. sara_k  |  October 30, 2007 at 5:57 pm

  This one is from my daughter, she’s 15 and would love to give me some yarn hahaha she says she’ll knit it up and she would.

  She thinks you should make a photoalbum cd chronicaliing your life together and especially featuring the three of you as a family. The theme song should be something along the lines of “Too bad it’s over” because we had something good and you fucked it up. Your decision = your loss.

• 62. Lauren  |  October 30, 2007 at 6:01 pm

  “Little Miss Can’t be Wrong” by The Spin Doctors is a definite must for the play list as well.

  And just ARGH! Like she just innocently left that laying there. She damn well KNEW you were going to pick it up and read it. ~mutters~ Seeing as how I am a vindictive snot I say run over the dang laptop AND pee on the list. =)

• 63. mote  |  October 30, 2007 at 7:49 pm

  you should get out your toolkit and dismantle her laptop piece by piece and leave it all over the table for her. let’s see her listen to her friggin mix tape then, huh?

  :shifty eyes: i have never actually done this to anyone. i swear. :innocent look:

• 64. mote  |  October 30, 2007 at 7:51 pm

  also, several of those tracks clearly demonstrate that this person has sh*t for taste in music. just sayin’.

• 65. melanie  |  October 30, 2007 at 8:11 pm

  My second suggestion is one I got from my dad long ago after a really harsh breakup. While she’s out, rub some odorless bengay type stuff in her favorite panties. Snicker to yourself when you over hear the phone conversation about what the hell kind of STD she was given and who else the immature little wannabe is fucking. Then add Johnny Cash’s Ring of Fire to the play list.

• 66. Kit  |  October 30, 2007 at 8:37 pm

  One of you clearly needs to be living somewhere else. I hope the condo thing goes really quickly. You need to get on with life as fast as possible. Feel free to indulge all the nastiest fantasies in the meantime. Don’t DO them for the sake of the small one, but think what you please. I hope, for his sake, she gets out of middle school before he does.

• 67. Sitcomgirl  |  October 30, 2007 at 9:06 pm

  First, what the hell is this lame music?
  Second, what a bitch for being so obvious about wanting to hurt you to leave it out on the table?
  I think you should just ignore it, that’s bound to get to her more than anything, since she’s clearly aching for a reaction by leaving it out there for you to see.
  BUT in fantasy world? I’d smash her laptop to pieces, rip the paper into teeny tiny pieces on top of the laptop, and leave her a note to the tone of you fucking bitch get the fuck out of this house.
  But congrats on the steps towards the condo! It will be all better after that gets done.

• 68. Cynical Knitting Gal  |  October 30, 2007 at 9:11 pm

  What about making a “cootie catcher” out of the list…

  I really like the suggestion of a iTunes gift certificate taped ever so gingerly on the list.

  I’m not big into the revenge stuff … maybe I should be?

• 69. Brenda  |  October 30, 2007 at 10:27 pm

  These are some seriously wonderful suggestions. All I have to add is: Yeah for the condo, you’ll be out of there soon!

• 70. Becca  |  October 30, 2007 at 10:41 pm

  One more for your personal playlist: Rip Her to Shreds — Blondie.

• 71. ellen  |  October 30, 2007 at 10:52 pm

  The list was not left out by accident. You were meant to find it and get your feelings hurt and supply her with the drama she so desires. Ignore it.

• 72. megan  |  October 30, 2007 at 11:00 pm

  i think i’m in love with mote (#63).

  so delightfully passive-aggressive with an emphasis on the aggressive…

• 73. megan  |  October 30, 2007 at 11:03 pm

  one more thing: this was apparently the FOURTH mix tape? in that case, any of the action ideas above are completely fair game.

• 74. Mary Reynolds  |  October 31, 2007 at 6:02 am

  I believe taking the high road is what you should do -but it is no fun.

  If you want to be nasty in a somewhat polite manner you could always leave a note saying

  thank you so much for the tape it really made my day to determine you actually still feel that way about me and that you want to reconcille- however I no longer feel that way about you and this effort is too way little too late.

  PS if you really meant this as an attempt to reconcille please choose better music next time.

  I have a nasty sarcastic streak sometimes.

• 75. Debbi  |  October 31, 2007 at 7:32 am

  I love Mary Reynolds idea. I probably would do something to the laptop like pop off all the keys, or at least every other one so that it is damaged, but not unfixable. When questioned act innocent, and say ” Why honey, I have no idea what you are talking about, perhaps the they popped off in protest over the fucking shitty list of songs you were playing. For the sake of your sanity get out asap. Been there done that ….. not fun.

• 76. Mary  |  October 31, 2007 at 7:48 am

  My ex wrote me a poem once that was beautiful and on its way to being published when she asked me ever so nicely to type it up on some really nice paper for framing. Turns out she was giving it to her new girlfriend-the lying, cheating bitch. I like all the ideas and Lucia’s playlist with all additions, and a baseball bat to the laptop (oops, did I say that?). However, for the sake of Little Man, walk away like the honest adult that you are, and plot your revenge quietly and with patience (it’s WAY better when it’s unexpected). Oh, and a squirt or two of Red Fox Urine (from a sporting goods/hunting supply store) or Skunk Essence goes a long, long way, especially on the engine block or muffler of a car. Just saying…

• 77. Kate  |  October 31, 2007 at 8:43 am

  What is she in jr. high? A mix tape? And, completely craptastic music.

  I’d leave a note saying “you’re making this too easy” and take a copy for the lawyer. Adultery is still illegal in Massachusetts.

• 78. Suzanne  |  October 31, 2007 at 9:34 am

  My original comment (#50) was based on the assumption that AMFF sincerely composed the list and Xifey cynically left it for you to find. More savvy commenters seem to have sussed the possibility that the list was an adolescent prank cooked up between the two of them. In that case, carefully cut the list into strips, dissecting the list into individual songs. Make a paper chain with the songs displayed on the outside. Add one link of your own, inserted between “Mix Tape #4″ and “Billie Holiday” - Aretha Franklin, Chain of Fools. Since AMFF and Xifey have each evidenced themselves to be the unfaithful type, one will eventually cuckold the other. Somebody’s going to be a link in the chain.

• 79. megincl  |  October 31, 2007 at 9:35 am

  Well, I agree with the high ground. But for the sake of fun, I’d say, “Why the f*ck didn’t you share numbers 1, 2, and 3 with me????”

  So sorry you’re going through this crappy ride.

• 80. katrina  |  October 31, 2007 at 10:33 am

  I agree with Mary Reynolds but I’d leave a plate of homemade chocolate chip cookies with my note. Of course my chocolate chips would be made of ex-lax. But I also agree that they are so beneath your notice, plus my stiff New England pride would make them invisible to me. I wouldn’t want them to have the satisfaction of knowing that they had any power to hurt me at all.
  Insignifcant litte pissants…I am praying for the condo.
  Best wishes for a speedy healing and that they get swift justice.
  Katrina

• 81. Rhonda the Stitchingnut  |  October 31, 2007 at 10:48 am

  I love Mary Reynolds idea.

  And I agree that in reality that you do nothing at all other than laugh over all the fantasy revenge ideas listed here. I figure that’s what you’re doing right? But be ever so happy with the fact that the two of them WILL NOT ever find TRUST in each other. Cheaters cheat again.

• 82. Mary  |  October 31, 2007 at 11:23 am

  I feel compelled (read:recovering Irish-Catholic) to note that any suggestion in my previous comment is mean, nasty, immature, and probably illegal; and, just don’t do it. Especially if there’s ANY chance at all that you’ll a)get caught, or b)ever set foot in that particular vehicle ever again (it takes a REAL long time to go away). Meanwhile, enjoy the responses. It was great meeting you and Danielle at Rhinebeck!

• 83. Haddy  |  October 31, 2007 at 12:27 pm

  I don’t really have anything better than already stated. However, I would like to publicly thank those who contributed to my new vocabulary.
  I will be adding these:
  “twatwaffle”
  “tardypants”
  “fuckwaddery”

  I’m off to make flash cards so I can practice these on my train ride home…

• 84. Laura  |  October 31, 2007 at 12:45 pm

  Pretend to notice it for the first time when she’s around, and say, “Oh wow, I didn’t think anyone made mix tapes for people anymore! Boy, that takes me back to junior high! Did this come before or after the note that says, ‘Do you like me? Check yes/no’?”

• 85. Alison  |  October 31, 2007 at 1:02 pm

  I can’t really add anything clever to what’s already here, so I’ll just say that you have really fabulous commenters…

  My favorites are #s 10 and 11 (the 2 extremes).

• 86. Purpleheart  |  November 1, 2007 at 11:05 am

  Another to add to your mix, before aretha franklin — Ani Difranco - Dilate. Her song Out of Me would also be good.

• 87. Erin  |  November 1, 2007 at 12:53 pm

  Put the note aside for now, and once things are settled put it (and maybe a CD of the songs) on eBay with an explanation of where it came from and see how much it goes for?

• 88. Erin  |  November 1, 2007 at 12:54 pm

  I was inspired by this eBay listing.

• 89. Erica  |  November 1, 2007 at 3:46 pm

  What would I do? Live well. It truly is the best revenge. And ignore her 7th grade schoolyard BS. I know little of your situation, but this post alone tells me you’re far better off without her.

  I think Scissor Sisters, particularly “I Can’t Decide” is a perfect theme song for this occasion. Or, if you’re in the mood for a (slightly- well, maybe very) wine soaked who-needs-this-bitch-anyway strut, “Kiss You Off” is another goody.

  And if you want to be hideously infantile: Drop a burning bag of flaming shit on her doorstep preferably while she’s with the bimbo. While probably quite illegal, the ensuing shit stomping would be hilarious. And I promise, I’ll post bail. ; )

• 90. Anonymous  |  November 1, 2007 at 4:10 pm

  Here’s what I would do. Put the note back calmly, go back to the screaming room, return, shake it off, then:

  Phase 1: Passive aggression, drop casual hints “you know I heard the crappiest song today; made me want to vomit” Watch her squirm in uncomfort.

  Phase 2: Write one of the lists previously posted, and leave it next to her computer as well.

  Phase 3: Get angry. Find the list the girl in a training bra wrote, and then say “You should stop leaving your shit around”

  OR: Scratch the whole thing, take the note, and whisper “Thanks for the mixed tape”

• 91. sara_k  |  November 1, 2007 at 8:20 pm

  Shrimp in a hubcap. I’m just mentioning this and not endorsing it but it is delightful and can hide for long monthes before the warm spring and summer sun takes the real revenge.

• 92. Brandy  |  November 1, 2007 at 11:31 pm

  Notwithstanding the burning desire to ridicule her…

  Let me just say that I am happy to see you making positive, healthy choices for yourself. Let’s hope you have a condo-warming party with all kinds of blonde, nubile house guests.

• 93. Won Serious Badass «&hellip  |  November 19, 2007 at 1:13 am

  [...] … I believe the rest of you are waiting for a decision and a prize.  [...]

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