The Bats & The Birthday
October 13, 2007
You wonder why the bats are suddenly a design feature for the growing tattoo? Well … because I got this email from a friend mere days after Xifey dropped the bomb. Reading it sent chills up my spine. I post it here with her permission.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Dear Mafia,
Ever since you started blogging about the bats I’ve had this deep, strong desire to contact you about it, but put it off (”that’s queer,” “she doesn’t want to hear it,” “you’ll sound like a know-it-all,” etc. etc.) but now I can see that I need to tell you what I was going to say. It’s not too late to do so. I hope you can feel all the love and support and concern and respect that comes along with these cold, paltry words on a screen.
In my younger days I spent more than a decade studying the ‘neo-Native’ spirituality with Native American elders in both Eastern and Western traditions, but mostly with certified teachers of the Seneca Nation Wolf Clan. The grandmother-elder of this clan spearheaded the resurgence of animal totems through ‘medicine cards.’ The basic premise behind totems is that Native spirituality believes that The Divine is in everything, so that anything that comes across your path can be carrying a message for you from Great Spirit, particularly animals. Each species carries a general message related to its characteristics, as well as a specific message, usually in the manner in which it is conveyed.
The bat represents death, not in the literal sense, but figuratively - the death of an old way of thinking, of living, of being in the world. We must go back into the womb and come out again to be reborn. It’s a natural transition, one that’s necessary for ongoing life. Going into that black hole is terrifying, but once you’re in the process, there’s no way back; kicking and screaming only makes for a rougher ride.
The fact that these bats had left you sh*t that invaded and was destroying your home meant the contrary of the message - that there was some ‘death’ that was meant to be accomplished for your family that simply wasn’t being allowed to happen. You guys were just wallowing in old sh*t and making yourselves sicker by ignoring it or wishing it away or making it ‘cute.’ The bats kept coming into your house, trying to tell you to move through the terror and move on, to do the thing that you thought would kill you, but it was too late - the very walls of your structure, your relationship, were already festering and crumbling.
In the days to come, it may help to hold the energy of those initial messenger-bats with you as you walk through the dark cave of grief and loss. No matter what’s on the other side waiting for you when you emerge, blinking and wincing at the light, rest assured it will be so very much better than where you have been. Consider the cave your feelings create, and your very home itself, not just as a grave where you bury the old dead past, but as your own personal ‘womb,’ a place to rest, to process, to incubate. Don’t be afraid to walk the path - the bats will guide you through your dreams and terrors with their night-vision. Bats are able to fly high above the wreckage of human psychology and emotion to understand the objective and see the whole path of the process. They will show you the smoothest route to your rebirth.
…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Today is Xifey’s birthday, and tonight will mark 28 days since the bomb. I gave up nail-biting in 1996, but I’ve started again, and my nails are chewed down to stubs. And even after a whole 4 weeks, there’s still a dent in my ring finger. Though the dent is less defined than it was a month ago.
Entry Filed under: Divorce, It's All About Me, Peeps. .
29 Comments Add your own
Leave a Comment
Some HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
Trackback this post | Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed
1.
roro | October 13, 2007 at 11:30 pm
Wow. That’s powerful stuff - makes perfect sense for your new ink as well.
I’ll hold off making any jokes about guano.
2.
Mel | October 13, 2007 at 11:31 pm
Wow. I guess that just confirms my feeling that bats are special critters (even though I’d still have them tested for rabies if they were flying around inside my house). I think it’s an excellent tattoo choice.
3.
Bertha | October 14, 2007 at 12:15 am
Wow. That is amazing.
4.
PainterWoman | October 14, 2007 at 7:46 am
Makes sense to me.
I remember feeling surprised at how long it took for my “ring dent” to go away. And in remembering, I am grateful for our capacity for change, healing and resilience.
5.
heather | October 14, 2007 at 8:26 am
What a truly amazing and powerful story. I hope you can draw comfort and strength from it.
6.
Cetta | October 14, 2007 at 8:33 am
Amazing how insightful the “old” ways are, isn’t it?
Ouch! Stop biting!
7.
femiknitter | October 14, 2007 at 8:39 am
Wow, that is just amazing! How wonderful of that woman to share it with you, and you, in turn, to share it with us. I think bat ink makes a lot of sense.
8.
Manise | October 14, 2007 at 9:24 am
Amazing as well as fascinating! You sound like you’re in a much better place
The nails will grow back. 5 more sleeps!
9.
Lisa | October 14, 2007 at 9:40 am
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. As I too am part Native American (Cherokee) I believe that all things that cross a person’s path are meant to be. We just have to take the time to notice them and discover what they were sent for. I am not very well versed in them, but I am glad that you have a reader that is.
I can’t wait to see what the new ink will be now that we ahve the update. Nails will grow back, just put some clear polish and them. It tastes bad and will slow you down a bit. Don;t worry about the ring indent. This too shall pass and a new you will emerge!
10.
Lucia | October 14, 2007 at 9:48 am
Wow. That is wild. I am picturing you resting and recuperating and then coming roaring out of the Batcave, hell-bent for, and wearing, leather.
Nails grow back. So does skin.
11.
Brenda | October 14, 2007 at 9:59 am
Wow! I got chills too. Thanks for sharing.
12.
elizabeth | October 14, 2007 at 10:12 am
hug.
13.
PiGrrrl | October 14, 2007 at 11:22 am
That’s intense.
14.
Kat | October 14, 2007 at 11:50 am
Wow. You SO need to incorporate bats into the new tat.
15.
Maritza | October 14, 2007 at 2:20 pm
Wow!
16.
Cynical Knitting Gal | October 14, 2007 at 2:21 pm
I am all about the Native American spirituality…though I’m still learning. I am deeply moved that the bats had such a role in your life. And, you were the one working to rid your house of them…keep taking care of yourself!
Hmm. I’m thinking about a new tat myself…
17.
Kate | October 14, 2007 at 2:36 pm
That’s incredible. I love symbolism like that. What do mice mean? We have had some on and off… probably means “do your dishes”
18.
no-blog-rachel | October 14, 2007 at 6:24 pm
Wow. That is kind of chill-inducing, but at the same time it made me feel hope. I hope it does the same for you. There’s light for you beyond the pain and hard stuff. And you know we’re here for you while you deal with it! And after too of course.
19.
Rachel | October 14, 2007 at 6:53 pm
Hi, I just dropped by to see how you are doing. Really glad to see you’re still blogging and on top of things, respect due
20.
Danielle | October 14, 2007 at 6:55 pm
Even after reading this a second time, it’s still pretty intense. And then, I read Lucia’s comment. I think I agree with her
21.
e | October 14, 2007 at 8:25 pm
I hope the Bat totem can help guide you through your dark times, and keep you company.
22.
Jenn C. | October 15, 2007 at 8:29 am
Wow. That is intense. Shivers here too.
23.
Rhonda the Stitchingnut | October 15, 2007 at 12:31 pm
Amazing.
24.
leah | October 15, 2007 at 12:38 pm
that is really cool.
25.
Stella | October 15, 2007 at 2:32 pm
That’s amazing.
26.
Sneaksleep | October 15, 2007 at 4:17 pm
Makes absolute sense to me. I think you definitely need to incorporate the bat into whatever ink you get. And man, what your friend wrote about trying to ignore the sh*t or just make it cute, I think all of us can identify with that. I stayed in my last relationship about 2 years too long because I was too busy stepping over bat sh*t to see that it was time to move on. Oh, and I loved your anniversary list from the other post, by the way.
27.
honeybee33 | October 16, 2007 at 5:36 pm
((((((((((fm)))))))))))
let’s go together … it’s about time I got myself a lil bee … ;~)
~ hb33 ~
28.
DeltaDawn | October 17, 2007 at 6:26 am
Breathtaking. Makes perfect sense to me. Ah, life and all its little mysteries - I just try to stay as open to all of it as I possibly can, and you must have your door ajar to get such a wonderful gift of that letter. Keep on rocking girl. And while the trees are spectacular, I think some sort of bat-ish image would be perfect for a new mark.
29.
Rebirth « FemiKnitM&hellip | December 23, 2007 at 11:23 pm
[...] tried and tired, but I can’t find an appropriate label for my beliefs. Also, with an occasional exception, I don’t talk about it publicly, because it’s a long and hard [...]