6th Anniversary « FemiKnitMafia

6th Anniversary

October 12, 2007

Today is my 6th wedding anniversary, and since I’m still legally married, I’m going to celebrate. On the docket so far: starting Cookie’s Rhiannon sock (sans cuff); a meeting with an MIT administrator about flex-time; a meeting with Xifey and a mediator/lawyer to start working through the custody disagreement (fun times, there); and therapy with the best (new-to-me) therapist a girl could ever want. Have I mentioned that she specializes in art therapy and was delighted when I asked to knit through the sessions? Yep, she’s a keeper.

Speaking of keepers, I’m slowly starting to accept the end of this relationship. This shift is allowing me to consider what I’m learning through this divorce, as well as what I’ve learned in the marriage. On this, my 6th wedding anniversary, it seems like a great time to note a few of these realizations in hopes that I’ll be better equipped to evaluate the next potential partner (should I ever.ever.ever desire another partner). If I ever love again, the object of my affection will:

Love me and my child.
Love learning.
Support my learning.
Love to travel and explore.
Have hobbies and interests.
Support my hobbies and interests.
Hug me. Cuddle me. Share physical affection.
Calm me without conscious effort.
Know herself.
Grow and develop.
Support my growth and development.
Act creatively.
Laugh.
Communicate.
Work hard on all relationships.
Honor ambition.
Acknowledge failure.
Accept support.
Accept my imperfections.
Engage with the world.

I’ve also been dreaming about ink lately. It seems that every major life change should carry a mark on my body. A mark that will guide me toward the future. At this time in my life, I need a reminder that I’m strong, smart, loving, and dedicated. Conveniently, my most recent tattoo:

never felt complete. I adore it, but that nagging sense of incompletion has been tickling the back of my brain for months. Now I understand why. And I’m shopping for ideas to make it whole.

Tomorrow, I’ll tell you why the bats are showing up here.

Entry Filed under: Divorce, It's All About Me. .

24 Comments Add your own

1. Carry | October 12, 2007 at 11:22 am

Dang woman…what is it with you and me and the tattoos??? I had been thinking of a trisele type tat (before you had posted your tat the first time) and now have one, though mine really is different (LOL) and I have now, since that tat, been considering a tree of life as well or some variation…though at least this time I was considering a partial sleeve instead of the EXACT SAME LOCATION.

Glad to hear that you have a great therapist. Congratulations on how far you’ve come in such a short time.

And the list? PERFECT! One of my friends had suggested the very same thing to me after me and Ang. And you know what happened? I found someone that fit all of my must-haves and even most of my “it would be really great’s”.
2. JulieFrick | October 12, 2007 at 11:36 am

I love your list. Stick to it, girl!
3. femiknitter | October 12, 2007 at 12:11 pm

The list is great–and a good reminder of who you are and what you need.

I also like the idea of marking your body with each major life change. Trees are so rife with symbolism–I think it works.
4. Dorothy | October 12, 2007 at 12:39 pm

Your list is great, but you forgot one thing. She has to really want you to love her. I know that seems obvious, but sometimes you can love someone then they love you back and things change.

I like all those tattoos although I think the third photo in the top row and the second tattoo in the forth row would incorporate your existing tattoo best. With a few bats flying around of course.
5. Danielle | October 12, 2007 at 12:42 pm

Umm, wow! Here’s the area where we differ. Not the list — those are all fabulous, and a good way to take inventory. But the tatoos. Not so much for me. But for you, I love the trees! Good luck with the celebrations … I can’t wait to see you get started on Rhiannon!
6. Alison | October 12, 2007 at 12:45 pm

This is a great list, and you truly deserve a partner who possesses all of those qualities. I’m impressed that you are able to be so smart and reflective at this trying time of your life.

And now I want a tree tattoo! But I’m too much of a wuss to get one. (You’ve seen my tree necklace right? It’s my favorite.) I like the bats too.

It was great talking with you last night!
7. Lisa | October 12, 2007 at 1:14 pm

I love the list. It is a very healing thing to do. You are dead on with expecting someone to be able to fill those requirements. Just remember that you cannoy change a person into that mold. They have to be there already or mostly there.

I love ink too. I have been getting antsy about a new one as well. I’m not sure that I’m brave enough for something that large but I am thinking about the “tramp stamp”. Trouble is a wonderful artist and I have her drawing me sketches. You have inspired me once again.

I can’t wait to see the next socks!

BTW - I’m glad you found a therapist that you can relate to. That will help alot too.
8. Alex | October 12, 2007 at 2:05 pm

The trees are gorgeous! Looking forward to what you come up with for your own art…
9. Lucia | October 12, 2007 at 3:48 pm

Excellent list! May I add to #13 “and make you laugh too”? After 26 years, my husband still makes me laugh every single day. There are times when laughing makes you feel warm and tingly all over, and times when it feels like it’s ripping something out of your chest, and yet not laughing feels worse. A person who can do both is a rare gift, and I’m not giving him up. (Yes, I fully realize that he’s not your type.)

I’m not so much on the tats either… but trees, love ‘em.
10. pamela wynne | October 12, 2007 at 4:09 pm

go, you.
I am loving the trees, too.

(also, next time I start therapy, I am SO asking to knit through sessions — genius!)
11. Sitcomgirl | October 12, 2007 at 4:46 pm

The list is a great step, and you can always add to it as you realize what other qualities you want in a woman. I think the writing it down makes it more real and more likely to stick to it. Someone told me to do that a couple years ago, I laughed and said but I know what I want in a partner. Now I know that yeah in snippets I can think of qualities I want, but when it’s written down in front of you, you tend to focus on it more.
Also, trees are fabulous! Can’t wait to see what you get!
12. Cheryl | October 12, 2007 at 4:55 pm

Those tattoos are gorgeous! Good direction to go in! And I have nothing exciting going on this weekend, so if you need any company at any time, feel free to give me a call.
13. Stella | October 12, 2007 at 5:16 pm

# 8 and 17 are huge. Props for knowing what you need.

I’ve been pondering tattoos intermittently for years, and have been thinking even harder about them lately. These are all gorgeous! Now I have to go do some research myself…
14. Manise | October 12, 2007 at 5:21 pm

Great list! Awesome sock plans without the cuff! Those are going to be so comfortable to wear. 7 sleeps!
15. Kim | October 12, 2007 at 6:40 pm

Hang in there, Mafia. I’m so glad you like your therapist. Knit on, grrl!
16. Brenda | October 12, 2007 at 6:52 pm

The list is a keeper. Just remember to pull it out next time you fall in love (and you will!) and make sure she fits the bill.
17. Kat | October 12, 2007 at 10:13 pm

Acceptance is good. As for the tats, I prefer the trees to the bats. (trees grow, and go through changes with each season), but I am looking forward to the bat story.
18. Thorn | October 13, 2007 at 2:16 am

Dude. I just started with a new therapist. I’m definitely going to see if I can knit through sessions as well!!

I love your list, btw. I think it’s really good, and I hope you’re doing all right. Big hugs, lady!
19. PainterWoman | October 13, 2007 at 3:34 am

BRILLIANT!!!! I am SO proud of you. No flailing around in the morass of self-pity, fear or any of that.
I agree with Cary:
Glad to hear that you have a great therapist. Congratulations on how far you’ve come in such a short time.
Hope you like your mediator as much as your therapist! (Art therapists rock!)
I wrote a list sort of like yours when I was ready for a relationship. DH showed up WITHIN A MONTH. And I know of a woman who drew a picture of the kind of house she wanted (In Carmel by the Sea, no less)… and when she showed it to a friend whose spouse was a realtor, one like it had JUST been put on the market…. Oh, and she’d “specified” the price in her drawing/journal, and it all worked out…. Power to the universe.

I like the three circles of the tattoo… tend to think a tree is a bit much. Maybe four leaf clovers?!!
20. Suzanne | October 13, 2007 at 6:39 am

Great list, really. Of course, it may be a little tricky to find a lady who can hit the mark on all things on all days. It doesn’t really matter, though, since when living deeply in love, we consider longer stretches of time. I am going to take a stab at the bottom line of the bat story: the bats represent a catalyst for change.
21. Marcy | October 14, 2007 at 3:18 am

Excellent list. Looking forward is good.

For the tat? Yggdrasil.
22. Sneaksleep | October 15, 2007 at 4:13 pm

OMG I’ve been wanting a tree for a looong time, and some of the ones you posted are almost exactly what I’ve been picturing in my mind’s eye. I’m excited to see what you decide on!
23. Brandy | October 16, 2007 at 7:24 am

I’ve lurked. I’ve laughed. I’ve envied. Then I cried.

Now I’m amazed by your strength. Your courage. and your convictions.

Little Man is so fortunate to have a devoted mother like you.

Thank you for sharing your joys and your pain.
24. Sarahfish | October 25, 2007 at 3:51 pm

So I was reading over your old blog entries when it hit me. You were married the day before I was! And, I am also thinking ink to mark my release. AND I had a bat in the house over the winter, which is totally NOT when bats are about here in Ontario. So. Have we got anything else in common…? I hope you don’t share the headache I have brewing…

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