No Baby Daddy & Bloggie Break

February 21, 2007

Thank you SO much for all the wonderful Surro-Wifey and Daddies love.

It was nothing short of magical to participate in this surrogacy. All the cranky-Wifey moments were completely erased as I watched the Dads bond with their new baby girl. Unbelievable. Truly incredible.

That said, the best story about the unique experience of a lesbian couple doing a surrogacy for two gay dads in Massachusetts (got all that?) is that I was required to sign an affadavit of non-paternity. Yes. Really. Because B-Dad is the bio-Dad, and despite the fact that they used an egg donor, Wifey is still considered the “mother” until non-bio S-Dad completes his co-parent adoption. Have I lost you yet? The birth certificate administrator at the hospital was twisted into a pretzel trying to force the computer to accept her data entry. Apparently a male husband is the presumed father of a baby born to his female wife while they’re married. Sure. Fair enough. But … if he’s not the baby daddy, he fills out an affidavit stating that yes, they’re married, and no, he’s not the father. Because Wifey is legally married in Massachusetts, the computer lists her as such. So when the birth certificiate lady tried to enter B-Dad and Wifey as “father” and “mother,” the computer spit it back, requiring that I, as Wifey’s spouse, sign off my paternity rights. Enter the Mafia, an Affadavit of Non-Paternity, a Bic pen, and loud peals of laughter. This was certainly the most ridiculous thing I have ever signed. Let it be known: I am not now, nor will I ever be H-Baby’s Daddy. Signed: The Mafia, with love.

With Wifey recovering from the c-section (read: no housework, driving, child care, or lifting anything over 10 pounds for two weeks, and no work for an additional 4 weeks) and with the Mafia teaching TWO classes at a local university (in addition to my full-time gig at MIT), it’s time for a big bloggie break. At worst, it’ll be a 6 week break, but realistically, I won’t last that long. I’ll miss everyone. Be back soon. Smooch!

Entry Filed under: Charity, It's All About Me, Xifey. .

17 Comments Add your own

1. maryse | February 21, 2007 at 4:09 pm

i have tons of questions about this … dad.
2. mamacate | February 21, 2007 at 5:05 pm

I love Massachusetts!

Have a good break, see you soon.
3. Chris Q | February 21, 2007 at 6:29 pm

I suppose if the baby had been a boy, you could give new meaning to the Billie Jean lyrics of
“she said I am the one,
the kid is not my son”
Great news for moms, baby, real baby daddy’s, etc!
4. Dorothy | February 21, 2007 at 6:42 pm

Hope your break goes well and your/Wifey’s sanity holds out until everything gets back to normal.
5. Cheryl | February 21, 2007 at 7:27 pm

Enjoy your little break! Keep in touch though, and if you come up to Po-town we can get together!
6. MrsHammer | February 21, 2007 at 8:47 pm

Well done by all, enjoy your break honey !
We will miss you and be on the look out for you !
7. Beth S. | February 21, 2007 at 8:57 pm

I’m starting to think I’m never going to see you again. Aieeeee!

And congrats on not becoming a father. Ah, language…
8. Sparkly Spiral Girl | February 21, 2007 at 10:14 pm

Freakin’ hysterical!!! Guess the computers are a little behind the times, ‘eh? LOL
9. Kim | February 21, 2007 at 10:27 pm

What a story! I’ll have to remember that one….
10. Suzanne | February 21, 2007 at 11:42 pm

Smooch to you, too! I loved the story of the bureaucracy. It does sound like the law is construed to be gender blind; good overall.
11. PatchesMom1973 | February 22, 2007 at 10:25 pm

take care of yourself!
12. Jess | February 24, 2007 at 12:00 am

Woohoo, hysterical laughter, and very big good wishes! I hope Wifey is doing well. My little sister was 9lb 8oz by vaginal birth (and my older sister and I were there for the delivery, so I’m a witness). People used to stop my mom on the street and ask her if she was having _triplets_.

Very very big hugs to both of you; that is an enormously wonderful gift to give. Are you two going to be involved in her life at all? (or is that too personal a question to ask on a blog?)
13. LoriLaurieLauri | February 25, 2007 at 4:29 pm

I just found your blog, like, right now. I’ve only read the first page, but I’m loving it and hoping you return soon! Meanwhile, I guess I’ll catch up on your archives.

And PLEASE do not take this is a mushy-mushy or “oh, isn’t that so nice what you’ve done for the two poor, poor men who seem to want a baby” kind of way, because I am totally serious…as an adopted child, and as a mother of biological children, I can understand where you are coming from, sorta, and can only say that you, wifey and little man (I really hope I have the names and story straight!) are nothing short of angels! Seriously, my keyboard is all blurry now because I am tearing up! lol! Congratulations to the wonderful baby daddies in so many ways!!!

My brother is the only way my children will ever come by cousins…he is gay, LOVES to travel, and has NO INTEREST in having children, and his partner feels the same way. I have tried many a time to talk them into it and have offered to be the surrogate…like it’s a really great idea to try and talk someone into a child they don’t want! HA!!…but they won’t take me up on it. About a year and a half ago, they got the cutest Pomerainian puppy you have ever seen in your life (Groban), so now I have my nephew, but my kids just aren’t getting the concept of a dog as a cousin…although, holidays at my mom’s house seriously bring tears to my eyes, along with much laughter, as I watch them all run around in the back yard (I have 3 kids) chasing each other, yelling, laughing and barking…and really, that’s what I always did with my cousins! lol!

Anyway…congrats to all for a safe, happy and healthy birth! And I promise, that little side pointed dunce cap of a baby’s head will go away and she will be the most beautiful thing ever…my first daughter came out the same twisted, sideways way, yet I somehow avoided a C-section…of course, she was only 8 lbs. 1 oz, instead of 9+lbs!
14. Keppy | February 26, 2007 at 3:15 am

Congratulations and I’m so happy for the four of you that everything turned out great. Hope Wifey recovers easily.
15. Polly P | February 26, 2007 at 6:16 pm

I LOVE this story! The tangled twisted pretzel of shared and criss-crossed paternity, the computer with smoke coming out of its ears, the staffer and you both making sense (or not!) of it all.

As do all the other commenters, I wish you all well: the daddies, the recovering Wifey, and you, on your blogging hiatus.
16. katie | March 5, 2007 at 3:05 pm

Congrats to all, enjoy your blog break, and what a great post to leave at the top of your page while you’re gone. Too funny.
17. It's Blogging for LGBT Fa&hellip | June 1, 2007 at 9:34 am

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